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The Cost of Living Crisis in Australia Has Gotten Out of Control

submitted on 22 May 2023 by
Like a mutant koala that's been on a week-long eucalyptus bender, Australiaís cost of living has grown exponentially, and it's lost any semblance of sanity. I remember when I first sauntered into the outback in the dying embers of the 90s, it was a different landscape altogether, both metaphorically and economically. A man could rent a decent shack, buy a slab of beer, and still have enough change for a regrettable late-night kebab. But today? Ha! It's like walking into a casino with only lint in your pocket and expecting to hit the jackpot.

Sydney, the megalopolis with a smile as charming as a crocodile, used to be a place where dreams came to grow. Now, itís where dreams come to die of sheer exhaustion, like an overworked horse in the final stretch. The city has become a merciless predator, greedily consuming the contents of your wallet with a ravenous appetite that would put a Great White to shame. The rent, you ask? Forget about it. The numbers are more obscene than a sailor on shore leave.

Melbourne isn't much better. It's like swapping one loan shark for another with a nicer suit. It has all the charm of a 19th-century boomtown and the price tag of a Silicon Valley enclave. And for that price, you get the pleasure of living in a shoebox, where you can toast your bread and take a shower without moving an inch. It's absurd efficiency!

Brisbane, the subtropical sweetheart, is no more the economical haven it once was. I couldíve gotten a riverside flat for the price of a beat-up VW back in the 90s. Now, it demands a kingís ransom, which unless you're part of a drug cartel or a crooked politician, is likely to drain your bank account faster than a cocaine habit.

Perth, on the far side of this overpriced island, doesnít fare any better. The city struts around like a gold-digger after a big payday. The rent? High enough to give you a nosebleed. The food prices? They'd make a gourmet chef weep into his bťarnaise sauce. Even the kangaroos are rumoured to be packing their pouches and looking for cheaper real estate.

Canberra, the nationís capital, nestled in the bosom of the Australian Capital Territory, struts around like a botoxed dowager at a debutante ball. The city demands a price, an obscene tribute to the bureaucratic orgy that it holds in its austere confines. The real estate market here makes Wall Street look like a penny arcade.

Even in the back of beyond, in the little towns and the arid outback where the asphalt melts and the flies hold a hostile reign, the cost of living has soared like a buzzard on speed. The old days, the wild, beautiful, cheap days, are long gone, like a dream of a bygone era.

Now, donít mistake me, I love Australia, with its insane landscapes, and its uncanny wildlife, and its unhinged, delightful locals. But the cost of living in this sunburned country is rapidly evolving from a joke into a national tragedy. Itís not just about money; itís about the soul of the country, the spirit of egalitarianism, the fair go. Itís the Australian dream teetering on the precipice of an economic nightmare. And the punchline? Itís a bloody rip-off! But then again, whatís life without a bit of danger, right? If living in Australia is like dancing with a saltie, youíd better learn the steps and keep a sharp knife handy, because this waltz isnít for the faint of heart.

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